Good things to re-call:
This Summer i went to germany for 2 weeks on a youth trip, i made some real good friends and can't wait for france next year!

My boyfriend and I went on holiday to salou at the start of september it was also brilliant

However, im moving to a place where there is nothing- not a bus service to where i live now or a train station which sucks, My AS results were shocking horrendus and im struggling with all the work and stuff going on at the moment.

My real concern today is my boyfriend. I really do love him so very much and we never argue...but last night we had some bad words and sat all the way to cinema in the car not speaking a word to eachother.
The last thing i need right now is things to go wrong between us, i would be utterly devastated. He's become such a big part of my life and we have so much fun that i dont want to ruin it.

On the brighter side of things it is my 18th birthday saturday!!!
I am soo excited we're going out in town dressed up...im going as a can can dancer from moulin rouge my corset is amazing!
Me and the bf are also staying in a hotel i really hope we have a nice time.
Im sick of feeling teary and sad. its so pathetic lol.
Favourite song at the moment:
Sex on fire by the kings of leon.
it really is sexful ;P

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Out on the weekend!
lie ins and such to look forward too...i can't really complain

lol

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Ooo yer!! i've got a new job
with Asda, its only stocking shelves but the pay is awesome.
currently waiting for my 3rd induction day so i can start raking in the cash.
ohhh the riches hehe.
Wednesday and friday evenings, and sunday days.
An actual saturday off...bloody great.
Last shift at my current job this saturday, ill miss sam and sara...we will no longer be the 3 amigo's
But its not like im neve rgoing to see them.
Me and sam are taking up yoga next week should be hysterical but at the same time relaxing and good for you.

feeling much happier.

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It must be PMT's becasue im all grrr and arggh and feel like rubbish...and could really do with someone to talk about this to. Which again leads me back to the frienship that is possibly well and truly over becasue i could really talk to her.
My ex even tried to pull her! :O
So im positive she's smug about that, though why you'd be smug about your friends seconds i'm not quite sure.
My boyfriend must be fed up of me going on about her all the time but theres no one else for me to complain to.

My exams start next week, and ofcourse im under prepared, becasue thats just me a total bloody mess.
i dont do failing.
i can't deal with all this along with family members dying and feeling like the ugliest fattest most grotesque beached whale on the planet.

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*I just cant seem to shake off all this built up stress.
the money thing which i mentioned before...

*A levels are just so hard, i think i might have to give up the idea of doing french at uni becasue im not going to get the grades this year i need for conditional offers. All my efforts at anything just suck unbelievably at the moment.

*There's so much illness in my family at the moment, 2 of my uncles have cancer one of which had a stroke yesterday and another realtive died out of the blue tonight. I seem to be trying to block it out, and feel silly for being upset. how ridiculous??

*And finally, lol, the tension between me and my mother. Everything i say or do is taken the wrong way, offensivley....honestly i don't have a constant attitdue trip or anything. Im just getting complained at, nagged, bogged down by her all the time and its wearing thin.

I CAN'T COPE!

I do have great friends, and a nice boyfriend. yes i'm finally getting around to mentioning him. i didn't like to before when we were dating, then only just together. I just don't like to put all my crap on him...everything is still like new and all that jazz so wouldn't you agree it's easier to keep all that stuff separate??
bleh. i really don't know. life outside all that stuff is pretty awesome . but the thing is It's like its fine ranting on here becasue i doubt hardly anyone sees it...but i dont like to otherwise as im sure theres a load of other people dealing with bigger shit than i am right now.
i need someone to help me sort myself out...becasue i really don't think i can do it on my own.

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It has obviously degenrated down on me from my mother, only she's like a gazillion times worse and it's ghey becasue i end up ruining nice things for myself because i think they are ruined anyways...when really i should keep my mouth shut and invest in a rather large stress ball or something.

To be honest, there's something inparticular i really don't want to ruin just yet, becasue it's all good and nice and im having fun and don't have a reason to get all weirdo without a beardo at the moment.
I really am trying my hardest, and for the majority of the time i don't even think about. Then occasionally something will niggle in the back of my mind, then the awful feeling in your stomach sets in and before your know its like argggh!! get a grip woman.
Bleh...i don't know what to do about it...i guess it's sort of a birth defect and/or a neurotic tendancy that i'll just have to learn to control or ignore lol.
Some help with the controlling/ignoring part would be awesome though.

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The Muisc!! Kim Wilde, Prince, David Bowie, Oingo Boingo, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Blondie...
(sure most of these didn't start in the 80's but that's not the point lol)

BUT! The bloody fashion was horrendous!
Shell suits, ra-ra skirts, puff ball skirts, Margret Thatcher and her paded shoulder suits, scrunch socks, hideous patterned everythings, leotards...to name a few!

That's only some of it, and its just feckin ghastly!!!!!
lol.
This only goes to prove that the fashion world is totally screwed up...becasue the only 'new trends' that come out of designers so called hard graft these days are re-work retro outfits becasue they havn't the imagination to create anything new and exciting.
Don't get me wrong i'm all for the 50's/ 60's kind of thing. But how can you possibly get away with and achieve succes out of something that was utterly awful in the first place.

I'd like to ask all you fashionistas out there, If your someone who lives for the brink of cutting edge fashion, daring to stand out and be different, (while trying to look gorgeous at the same time lol)...Why on earth are you all allowing the industry to do this to us??
I'm positive it's some secret joke amongst designers to make us all look stupid, becasue people are idotic enough to do it in the name of 'style'! Whatever that is these days.
We need to rid the world of these material disasters and as soon as possible!!
ARGH!!

Rant over ^_^

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Tiredness
>.<
I so need and early night. But im having lots of fun, so sleep doesn't seem that neccessary until the morning lol.
Im listening to the 'Juno' soundtrack. It's weird but totally cool. Listen!! it'll make you think.
happy mooosic. happy mee!

I saw circus of horrors last week...a freak show. It was great!
There was a small guy with his bits in a Henry Hoover...sword walking, acrobatics, whips...etc
Annnnd went to London! (also totally shattering)
Visited the houses of parliament, and went on the eye. Food sitting on the thames was cool ^_^

Watched Sweeny Todd in cinema, was a little disappointed, However Mr. Depp was ravenous as ever. Ooo errrr!
And finally!!! went to the fair, if only riding the waltzer counts lol.

That's enough typing for now i think

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Off for a spot of tea and some biscuits i rekon.
:]

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Started back the gym yesterday...was good to actually be taking some action im planning to loose over a stone by june. Which i don't think is excessive
i jsut need some motivation and help of people like.
im not trying to over exaggerate and say im like obese or anything, but i do need to loose some...after always having problems with it.
im such a fussy eater.

Torchwood tonight woop

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I don't know the whole thing is messed up.
And although i said being single was ok before, yer it is but then on the other hand its CRAP!
I im not looking for a relationship, i just miss the romantic couple things, having someone to talk to who doesn't judge you, makes you laugh, loves you for everything you are- not all the things you're not.
To be perfectly honest i really cant be bothered to go out and the 'pull' as such....its a pessimistic view but all good things come to an end, and seeminlgy i as i havn't found the right person yet...nothing's going to work.

I think that i am pefectly capabale of being on my own, maybe im just being a little spoilt in wanting everything i cant have.
But everyone does that from time to time, right?

Besides the way i feel right now...i don't see why anyone would want me anyway...

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Trip home was arghhhh with traffic and baby chavs (trying) to sing their hearts out...all the way home :O *cries*

currently eating fishshop chips yumm.
Going to see golden compass tomorow yay! and works do friday!! yay
lol
:]

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And i recieved some filthy (okay not Quite filthy lol) but messages off some guys who should speak nicer to the ladies..urgh tut tut. how does 'hey big tits' get them friends. SAD

On the brighter side, im making this like real cool mighty boosh tee for my friend as a christmas present...speaking of such like them,

Did anyone see the Royal Variety thingy lastnight? HA! i bet the queen was feeling all just abit flustered and sexual after Russel Brand's bit. He is rather good though.
Also, will that paul potts guy pleeease sing something else, he sounds like a broken record (no offence to his fans). More to the point i'd never seen him at the carphone warehouse before.

Tiredness much

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