Okay so my last blog was obviously written in high temper.
I've calmed down since then...well if im honest i've sort of been up then down then up and so on.
But currently i'm quite calm.
After everything had been getting on top of me, especially with school...yesterday i just broke down and cried becasue i couldn't cope with it all. My head was constantly feeling like it was going to implode.
I talked about everything with one of my really great teachers and she sorted everything out for me, plus my boyfriend came round in the evening and cheered my up. he's lovely fair play.
Today, iv been feeling much better was prepared (just about) for my exam tomorow.
Then something happened which i'd rather not type, its nothing major but its still making me seethe with anger and the imploding began once again.
French oral tomorow...will be so glad when it's finally over...when french itself is finally over it will be like a huge weighted lifted from my shoulders.
I'll still miss it though and want to take up a conversational class outside of school.
Indian tomorow with the girlies!! chicken tikka ohhh yes please.

Ooo yer!! i've got a new job
with Asda, its only stocking shelves but the pay is awesome.
currently waiting for my 3rd induction day so i can start raking in the cash.
ohhh the riches hehe.
Wednesday and friday evenings, and sunday days.
An actual saturday off...bloody great.
Last shift at my current job this saturday, ill miss sam and sara...we will no longer be the 3 amigo's
But its not like im neve rgoing to see them.
Me and sam are taking up yoga next week should be hysterical but at the same time relaxing and good for you.

feeling much happier.

Some people do my bloody head in.
Argh, not mentioning any names...but i just don't think we're even friends anymore. When after all the complaining i do about the way she acts with her head constantly jammed up her arse i dont know why i care. Currently any word that falls dismissivley out of her 'shit trap' is like finger nails being scratched down a chalk board.
Talk about infuriating!!!
But then again, after all gthe good times and memories, the fact we're pretty much in the same friendship group and all that jazz maybe i wasn't completely ready for it to be over.
Makes us sound like an old married couple lol.
It sort of sucks. hmph.
Although speaking of couples...my ex boyfriend another person driving me completely insane, he's just inexorably pathetic. After turning into a right dick head he thinks he's cool when in actual fact people just laugh at him.
He's basically a younger version of his mother these days. Yes she was lovely to me, but she's chain smoking alcoholic that's never given a damn about him, so she's not exactly role model of the year.
Why are men so stupid?
I do realise this is a common question to which no one has the answer.
He's been a total idiot around my current boyfriend, to which he has no right to even say anything concering my current relationship or our past one. The day he decided to turn into a twat was the day he lost any right to have a part in my life as far as im concerned.
Apart from my boyfriend being almost a foot taller than him why the hell should he wish to fight him?! (which my ex felt the need to ask me in the early hours of the morning over text).
Then storming off in the middle of hour local after introducing himself as 'the ex' and saying "no hard feelings"
FOR GOODNESS SAKE MAN!!!! get a freaking grip, its nothing to do with you.

It must be PMT's becasue im all grrr and arggh and feel like rubbish...and could really do with someone to talk about this to. Which again leads me back to the frienship that is possibly well and truly over becasue i could really talk to her.
My ex even tried to pull her! :O
So im positive she's smug about that, though why you'd be smug about your friends seconds i'm not quite sure.
My boyfriend must be fed up of me going on about her all the time but theres no one else for me to complain to.

My exams start next week, and ofcourse im under prepared, becasue thats just me a total bloody mess.
i dont do failing.
i can't deal with all this along with family members dying and feeling like the ugliest fattest most grotesque beached whale on the planet.

When i say everything, i'm possibly beingg a tad melo-dramatic but hey! that's nothing new.

*I just cant seem to shake off all this built up stress.
the money thing which i mentioned before...

*A levels are just so hard, i think i might have to give up the idea of doing french at uni becasue im not going to get the grades this year i need for conditional offers. All my efforts at anything just suck unbelievably at the moment.

*There's so much illness in my family at the moment, 2 of my uncles have cancer one of which had a stroke yesterday and another realtive died out of the blue tonight. I seem to be trying to block it out, and feel silly for being upset. how ridiculous??

*And finally, lol, the tension between me and my mother. Everything i say or do is taken the wrong way, offensivley....honestly i don't have a constant attitdue trip or anything. Im just getting complained at, nagged, bogged down by her all the time and its wearing thin.

I CAN'T COPE!

I do have great friends, and a nice boyfriend. yes i'm finally getting around to mentioning him. i didn't like to before when we were dating, then only just together. I just don't like to put all my crap on him...everything is still like new and all that jazz so wouldn't you agree it's easier to keep all that stuff separate??
bleh. i really don't know. life outside all that stuff is pretty awesome . but the thing is It's like its fine ranting on here becasue i doubt hardly anyone sees it...but i dont like to otherwise as im sure theres a load of other people dealing with bigger shit than i am right now.
i need someone to help me sort myself out...becasue i really don't think i can do it on my own.